A Good Wife: more Precious than Rubies

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Bayo Adeyinka: 20 years of Bliss in 2020: Tribute To My Wife- A True Help meet

My wife deserves the very first tribute as I reflect over the 20-year milestone of my career. We got married in 2002 and so she has been part and parcel of my career for 18 out of the 20 years. I met her in the banking hall when I was a teller (some call the role cashier). She came with Titilayo F Tijani who was my childhood friend that afternoon and I was introduced to her as I paid Titi who came to the bank to withdraw money – talk of multi-tasking ?.

She didn’t look down on a teller earning less than 50k then (my first salary as a banker was 33k). When we married, I was 27 and she was 25. All I had was a Volvo 340 DL and a 2-bedroom apartment at Ashi in Ibadan. I didn’t even have furniture when I met her. I used to have my 14 inch Sharp TV that I bought while I was an undergraduate on a wine rug on the floor in my living room. The first day she visited my house, I offered her flavoured juice inside a big pack that one could dilute with water to taste. This woman was madly in love with a crazy boy like me- and men, I had some crazy ideas those days.

The first promotion I got in my career was just about a month after we got married. That was when the scriptural truth of Pro 18:22 came alive to me: “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”. In less than 3 months or so after our wedding, I got another job offer that paid much more. Anytime I had a new target those early days, she was my go-to person. I knew she would pray about them. While I pushed from the outside, she pushed from the inside. There were so many nights she prayed for me while I slept- I was too fatigued to pray.

On one ocassion, she followed me to Lagos for an interview. We slept at one hotel opposite the former Bar Beach. The following morning, I told her to let us drive round Lekki before leaving for Ibadan. We drove round, looking at those beautiful buildings and my wife prophesied that we will also be partakers and not just spectators. That should be around 2004/2005. Sincerely, I’m amazed at her faith. So many times when I’ve considered throwing in the towel, she always had a way of making me see the bigger picture.

I’m not an easy person to live with so I know my wife is a super woman. She has been the winds beneath my wings. She was custom-made, purposely-built for me. God knew before hand that I would need her in my life. She can look me in the face and tell me like it is. Very cerebral. Fiercely loyal. Absolutely dependable. A stunning beauty.

Just to share two instances of her intervention. I shared piece below during her birthday a while back. I’ve reproduced excerpts below:
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I was over the moon when I got the offer of employment. The new salary I was offered by the new bank was about fifty percent more than what I earned at that time. As I held the letter in my hands, I had started thinking of how I could put the extra money to good use. I could do with a change of vehicle. My status had to change to reflect my new status. I was so happy to show my wife the new offer but I noticed she didn’t share my excitement. That was very unusual. She’s my number one fan. I explained it away that probably she was tired.

Later that night, my wife woke me up from sleep. She told me she wanted to discuss a very important issue with me. I sat up. I knew the issue must be serious for my wife to rouse me from sleep around 2am. Now, I’m used to the fact that when my wife wakes you up for a discussion, then it’s a serious issue. She asked whether I’d actually given serious thought to the new offer I was given. I replied in the affirmative. Then, she posed some questions to me. I worked in Ibadan at that time as a Relationship Manager but the new offer I had was to work in Ogbomoso as a Branch Manager. I didn’t have an official car at Ibadan but I would have one in Ogbomoso. I was just a Team Lead at that time but the new offer elevated my status to that of a Branch Manager. My wife asked if I was ready to move from Ibadan to Ogbomoso. I replied in the affirmative. Then she asked me some questions I couldn’t answer. “How do you want your resume to read in five years? Will you be able to satisfactorily explain why you left a city like Ibadan- an urban place- for Ogbomoso, a place that is many times behind Ibadan in development, economy, size and potentials? Will it be easy for you to make a transition from Ogbomoso to Lagos for instance? How will the trajectory of your career look like? Will you be proud of this decision in a few years?” I couldn’t answer those questions. When she mentioned the issue of career trajectory, she made a hand gesture similar to a sine wave. I can’t forget that.

She counseled me not to be carried away by the official car I would have and the little differential in terms of disposable income. She then threw in a clincher: “Do you want to chase your career or chase money?”

That discussion put everything into proper perspective for me. If I chase money, money will continue to be elusive but if I chase my career, money will come eventually. Many people make that mistake. They are easily swayed by the promise of more disposable income- even when there will be no obvious career progression. At the inception of your career, money must never be your major motivation. You must care about career progression more than money. I have counseled a lot of people who were in similar shoes not to make the mistakes of their careers by taking money ahead of their careers. People who do so will not likely last long.

Back to my story- I didn’t take the offer. Barely two years after, the bank that gave me the offer went down. But I was safe.

Here’s another one: Sometime in the late 2000s, I was caught with the bug of relocating abroad. Those were the days of the Highly Skilled Migrant Programme of which I was a beneficiary then. We both arrived in the UK and I was eager to get a job and settle down. Thankfully, I listened to sound counsel from my Pastor and took a vacation from my job instead of resigning. After scouting for jobs to no avail and seeing that things were not as they were often portrayed, I decided to go for security training. I was going to be a doorman. That was what a lot of Nigerians that I knew were doing. I paid and started the training around Birmingham. I finished top of the class after the exams. Our trainer collected my details so he could start referring me for jobs. My size was an added advantage as he called me ‘big fella’. I collected my certificate and I was elated. Maybe that will be my route to something great in the UK. All that was left was for me to pay for a badge.

The night I was to pay for my security badge, my wife woke me up around 1am. Her question caught me off guard. She asked, “Are you okay?’ I didn’t understand. Then she asked if everything was alright with me. I was puzzled. And then she told me she has been wondering if this was the same husband she married who is now ready to settle for anything in the name of relocation. She asked if I was proud to leave a fluorishing banking career and become a doorman in the UK. Her words sank in. She encouraged me not to succumb to peer pressure as that was exactly what happened. It is to her credit that I carried my bag and came back to Nigeria- a move I’ve never regretted. I do not disparage anyone doing a honest job to survive but I was following a herd mentality. What worked for one person may not work for another.

Thank you, Abimbola.

Picture: Taken a few months after our wedding in 2002. We were coming from a party organized by our bank. See my coat like Kootu Asipa

20 in 2020: Tribute To My Wife- A True HelpmeetMy wife deserves the very first tribute as I reflect over the 20-year…

Posted by Bayo Adeyinka on Friday, May 1, 2020

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